Thanks for Nothing Mr/Ms Donor

Reading through some blogs - it seems people that are DI conceived, or parents of DI children, raise some common themes,

1. DI conceived are angry that they don't/won't know their biological parent(s). They feel that they have been abandoned/ignored/not complete.
   
2. Some DI parent(s) angry that their children may track down their biological Mum/Dad and become best mates.
   

Thank goodness for you that your Donor had the selfless concern for the welfare of families that they have never met, and would never meet, to go to the trouble and inconvenience of donating sperm/eggs so that your life could take place/so that you could become a Mum or Dad.

There are no perfect answers - just look at where you are in life - accept that you are where you are - and get on and enjoy your life/kids.

My wife said to me, you're doing a really kind thing Mr SeedMonkey, I am sure that the people you help become parents will be really thankful. I am sure she is right - it's just me being a the cynical person that I am.

The True cost of Donating

I did some back of a fag packet calculations last week, so bear with me. This shows the cost of donating my sperm over the 10 sessions.

The total cost of travelling, and taking time off work (based on my hourly rate) comes in at to £1,500. I will get paid £250 at the end of my donation cycle, so this leaves me down £1,250.

Now add in the periods of 5 days sexual abstinence prior and the evening after each donation.

PS, Unless you are Keira Knightley's better looking sister then due to being bound by my marriage vows I will be unable to accept donated bonks.

First 'Frozen' Donation

Well - got first 'real' donation under my belt today.

Probably won't post again until donations are complete - or something interesting happens.

Oh - been meaning to say for a while - at no point will I post anything about the donation centre that I'll be making my deposits. This is in case the chaps at the centre find this blog, match up my dates/rusting car etc and worry about confidentiality :-)

Success Criteria

Success Criteria is as follows,

1. Get accepted as a Donor
2. Complete all my Donation visits
3. Find out if I my donation makes a family complete

So one down, two to go.

I must admit to being quite excited.

Bloody Brilliant

All done on the blood tests - so first donation is booked for later this month.

Blood Glorious Blood

Got a quick reponse from the Clinic - they are waiting for one blood test to come back and we take it from there.

Follow-up

Nothing from the Clinic to date so will follow with them in case they've forgotten/or my letter got lost in the post.

Nothing much to report

Nothing much to report

Waiting for my blood tests, and pee test results to come back.

I suppose the postal strike didn't help.

Cat's out of the bag

Got the guts to tell my folks about my donation plans.

They said they thought it was a good idea - although I am not really sure what else they could have said.

This'd definitely bugger up the family tree.

Run in with the Razor Sharp Collection Cup

They should really should chamfer off the edges of the collection cup as I can tell you, Dear Reader, that they are razor sharp. Popping one's willy in there to get the last drop of juice is not the best thing to do unless you are into self-harm.

It is not for me to Play at being God

It's not my place to play God.

It's not my place to say who does, who doesn't get my donated Sperm.

Therefore Married Couples, Co-habiting Couples, Lesbian Couples, and Single to-be-Mums all are eligible, regardless of race, creed, or any other imaginable criteria.

The Donation Room

So what is in the donation room?

You get a sink, handwash, variety of paper towels, waste paper basket, magazine rack (with a selection of manual-assistance magazines, straight, gay etc) and a La-Z-Boy leather recliner.

Firing the Silver Bullets

Had my first visit earlier in the week.

I've got 4 times as much sperm concentration as the national average - with a good rate of progression and mobility.

Hurrah for the good guys.

Will update with more detail in the next few days.

Still Here

I'm still here - my next post (unless anything exciting happens in the meantime) will be whether I get over the next hurdle (with plenty to follow) of becoming a donor.

Do YOU Give a Toss? THE VIDEO!

www.giveatoss.com

More Forms

So I some more forms to fill out before my visit.

My visit will be,

• Provide Sample
• Doctor does a Physical
• Bloods taken
  
• Medical History is taken

After talking with the Clinic the said they'd be able to tell me my Sperm Count and Mobility on the day. Just having had a stinker of Man Flu (including quite a few days off work) I hope that the little fella's aren't affected.

The Second Step

My first donation is scheduled - this is the one where they find out whether I'm suitable to be a donor.

Wish me luck.

Thoughts for Sunday

I hope to hear from the Donation Clinic in the next few days - hopefully I am their 'ideal' candidate seeing that there was nothing negative to fill in on the questionnaire.

In the coming week or so I've decided to give the National Gamete Donation Trust a ring to see if there is anything I can do to help out.

Things that I have been pondering - should everything work out - what I have to decide is who can/can't have my donation. Being a Caucasian male - the only mandatory thing that springs to mind is to ensure that the father is also of Caucasian orgin.

Other options that sprang to mind - should I choose purely
Heterosexual relationships or should I include Lesbians? Should the families that bring their children into the world be Married or is co-habiting enough?

Although I have strong feelings on all of these things - some of my very good friends have had children despite not been married or in a civil partnership and are doing very well . I don't personally know any Lesbians - but giving it some thought (no, not that sort of thought) I bet my last dollar that their need and desire for children is just as strong.

How many children per family? The limit that UK law gives is 10 children per Donor. So is that one child per family to make 10 families sort-of-complete? Or should I give the option for 2 children and give 5 families the chance to have full brother/sister relationship and identical genetic identity?

We would like to have at least 3 children in our family. Three is the new two. What about parents that want 3 children with the same genetic make-up?

Selfishly I don't want any of my potential '10' to go to waste.

Conversely - I do not want to be the person that does plays God with people's lives.

Lots of things to think about.

EDIT: It's 10 Familes (as per Billy's comment below) not 10 children :)

Found another Would-be Donor

The Anonymous Sperm Donor (who has a URL that makes me go cross-eyed) is a the first UK Blogger (potential) Sperm Donor I've located.

I wonder what happened to the rest of his story?

Answer on the back of a postcard please - to the usual address.

Out for the count

Not sure how I missed this - an extended article on the BBC Website with some more information about the 'The Great Sperm Crisis' made by BBC Three (and repeated every few months).

NHS Not Recruiting Donors

Amazing, got this reply from the NHS about my (now withdrawn) application,

Dear Mr Seed Monkey,

Thank you for your application and sorry for the delay.
We are not recruiting donors at the moment for various reasons.
We wish you the best with another clinic.

Regards
Fertility Unit

> From: Mr Seed Monkey
> Dear Sir/Madam,
>
> I have not heard anything from you / any
> acknowledgement letter or contact in I
> am withdrawing my my application as I
> am applying elsewhere.
>
> Regards,
> Mr Seed Monkey

Words fail me - although I should not be surprised.

Taking my Sperm Tablets

When I say Sperm tablets, I mean Selenium and Zinc - may as well give the boys (my sperm) the best start I can. These Sperm Tablets were just knocking around in the medicine cabinet - and it is only fair to give the boys what I gave baby 1 and baby 2 (still under construction).

Reading this information and interesting article on iVillage - it says that to get your boys fully fit, ejaculation should occur every 2 to 3 days. So, thus begins a fitness programme that Mr Universe will be proud of. I just hope that the Mrs is up for it.

Monday Evening Factoid 1: Growing a Sperm from start to finish takes an amazing 3 months. That's quite a long time when you take into consideration that a human baby takes just 9 months.

Monday Evening Factoid 2: An average, fertile man creates 6 million sperms a day. So in the time it takes for woman to grow one baby, a man would have produced 1,620,000,000 sperms.

Tomorrow's challenge is to post without using the word sperm or ejaculate.

Having a Moan

Just reading through the many, many procedures that are followed to whether one's health/sperm is up to scratch. I won't quote the detail here, as I don't want to burden, you the reader with the terms and conditions - suffice to say that of the 5 pages of the document, only pages 1,2,3,4, and 5 have reasons why Donor's are rejected.

Reading further elsewhere on the site - it seems that the maximum 'beer money' is £250 for the ten visits. What a stupid law, as according HMRC rates I'll be out of pocket simply on mileage - and stick a ton of miles on my already decrepit rust-bucket of a 14 year old car.

If clinics were as prevalent as GP offices - and lets face it the only extra that the GP Surgery would need is a subscription to a Mucky Monthly Periodical - then there would be clear justification to the limit of expenses.

It's quite clear what a cock-up the Government have made - and there is no wonder why there is a Donor Crisis - it's short-sightedness and poor legislation that's caused the problem in the first place.

My moan over with - I know how lucky we are to be in a position to consider donating - the buggers don't make it easy.

Let's cross the bridges when they come - the whole thing may not need worrying about if I'm rejected as a Donor.

Signing off for now,
A Grumpy Monkey

Told our first person

My wife mentioned to her mother that I was in the process of seeing if I could donate. She (mother-in-law) was very supportive. Which is nice.

Oh, and I suppose that I should mention that we plan for my wife to give some eggs once we've reached the defined size of the Seed Monkey Clan.

Will have to ensure that if donation goes ahead for both of us, then our respective seeds are not joined - that is something that is most defiantly not on - I hope for obvious reasons.

That sobering thought over with, I am slowly working my way through 'The End of My Line?' blog by Richard. It is certainly a must-read for all potential, and actual parents, irrespective of whether a Donor is involved.

I won't give anything away, but it's a real tear jerker at times.

Anonymous or Not Anonymous

My wife and I discussed, if I got to donate, would we tell people? I think we would - and of course tell our Sprogs so they are prepared for the future and they don't find out by an accidental slip of the tongue.

After searching Blogger, there are many blogs from DI Dads (Dads whose children are conceived with the help of a Sperm Donor) whose posts are very touching indeed.

Okay, where do I sit on the Anonymous / Not Anonymous thing. You know, I really sit on the fence on this one, and I think that the mistake that campaigners might be making that the core issue is not the law that's putting people off, it's the perception that being a Sperm Donor is a disgusting, filthy, thing to do.

Being a Sperm Donor involves having a wazz over a dirty mag and splashing the resulting muck into a pot. There we are. That's what people think. What's needed is a way of changing the publics perception, using positive images and stories to show how great donating can be to help others.

Blood Donation got it right with their TV and Poster Campaigning - what's needed is something similar for Sperm and Egg Donations.

Thinking Thinking Thinking

Been lying in bed, awake wondering, what will happen next.

Will my sperm be top notch, or will it be a bit naff and no good to anyone?

My wife became pregnant with Both Sprog 1 and Sprog 2 without problems. So I hope that the buggers are good little swimmers and are okay being frozen. We am very grateful that we were able to conceive easily.

Sprog number 2 - he/she had their third ultrasound scan this week and he/she is fine and snug inside Mummy's tummy. Make the most of it mate - not that long till you get forcibly evicted.

Reading through the donation FAQ sent to me (see previous post) there is one thing that really worries me. You are invited to write a description of yourself, a goodwill message to any child or children, including education, achievements, views, values, and life experiences.

I find it tough enough to write a Christmas or Birthday card to my Wife that's more expressive than, "Dear Wife, Have a Great Christmas/Birthday, all my love Seed Monkey xxx".

What pressure would be brought to bear to write a expressive and open account of myself that will be minutely analysed for 18 years. Every spelling mistake analysed, grammar checked, word count/to fact ratio plotted.

I'll cross that bridge if I come to it.

Going Private

No communications from the NHS despite a follow-up, so have withdrawn my donation offer to the NHS.

Applied to a private clinic - and they responded immediately with a nice, personal letter thanking me in my interest, questionnaire to complete, and a FAQ of what you need to know about donating Sperm.

A formal response was promised within the fortnight once they've analysed my completed questionnaire.

Ground control to Major Tom

Not a peep from the Donor place.

Shock and Horror - I might have to pick up the telephone and actually talk to someone.

Profile of Sperm Donor, from 1994 to 2005 - Part Deux

My wife pointed out that the Profiles below indicate that the majority of the generation that is donating today, is pretty much the same generation age that was donating 10 years ago.

What happens when this Generation of Donor gets past their Sperm-by-Date at age 45?

Profile of Sperm Donor, from 1994 to 2005

Monday Evenings facts from the Human Fertilisation & Embryology Authority (HFEA),

In 1994-1995:

• Sperm donors were most commonly aged between 18 – 24 years
• Less than a third (32.2%) of sperm donors were over the age of 30
• Only 1 in 5 (21%) of sperm donors already had children of their own

In 2004-05:

• More than 2 out of 3 sperm donors (69%) were aged over 30
• The most common age group for sperm donors is 36-40
• More than 2 out of 5 sperm donors (41.5%) already have children of their own
• Just under a third of sperm donors (31.4%) have two or more children

So what does this tell us?

My theory, based on no facts whatsoever, hinging totally on in-depth understanding of male values,

• during the 90's Donors were anonymous Students squeezing their seed into a test tube to earn a few quid towards Saturday's Beer Money
  
• during the Noughties - it's the existing Fathers realising the joy of giving life - for them the goal is to help childless couples fufil their lifelong need to have and raise children of their own. And they still pay a few quid towards Saturday's Beer Money (which goes a lot further due to lack of tolerance to alcohol).
  

The Great Sperm Crisis

Just finished watching the The Great Sperm Crisis that was shown on BBC3 last week. Such are the benefits (and problems) of time slipped viewing (there are no repeats scheduled for the immediate future - but I expect it'll be on again in a couple of months).

If the facts described at the time of filming are - then things are worse than I thought. For example at the time the show was filmed there were no active Donors in Northern Ireland. Edinburgh, which Scotland's Capital City, doesn't have a active Donation Program at the Main hospital due (i) lack of donors with in turn resulted in (ii) budget reallocation which closed the Donor Unit.

Do you Give a Toss?

Well do you Give a Toss?

I suppose that it does raise the profile of Donation, but is a rather seedy (sorry) way to promote the need.

Maybe us Brits love a bit of smut.

What a Carry On.

I've only gone and done it

After consulting the The National Gamete Donation Trust website and drilling down I found the list of licensed Donor Clinics (PDF download).

If you don't use a licensed donor clinic there are potential legal implications (such as 18 years of Child Support via the CSA) that really isn't worth the risk.

There are a few licensed clinics within a reasonable distance - although not exactly an around-the-corner trip. I've decided that the NHS need all the funding they can get, so they'll be the chaps getting my donation. Quite reasonably they have an on-line application form. Form has been duly submitted and sent. The only way this could get better if they could accept your donation as an email attachment.

What is surprising is the limited numbers of Clinics - 35 in England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland. With 6 of those in London.

There is no wondering why there is a shortage - not much choice when it comes to dropping off your contribution.

I will do my best to help others

No, I'm not a Cub Scout, well not any more. But I will do my best to help others, namely those families that aren't. Families that aren't families because they can't have children due to issues with the father's Sperm.

During the 1990's, the number of active donor's was 459. Prior to the removal of Sperm Donor Anonymity in April 2005, there were 250 Donors. Despite the removal of Anonymity, in 2006 this figure actually rose by 15 Donors to a total of 265 active Donors.

There continues to be a crisis in the UK, with a severe shortage of Donor Sperm.

Having a family of our own is the best thing - we have a baby of one year, and another one on the way, due in 2008. What really hit us hard was how tough it must be for couples to go through their lives without the children their every fibre craves.

A high percentage of potential donors are turned down due to unsuitability, due to lifestyle, genetic history, etc.

I will do my best to help others - and document this journey